At the Crossroads

I have a fear of flying. The last time I was on a plane was about a year ago. I blogged about the fiasco it was, forgetting my driver’s license, getting the full TSA pat-down. It was a nightmare. Flying isn’t my only fear; I have always had a lot of anxiety in my life. For years, I had an irrational fear about throwing up (emetophobia) that caused me to miss days of school and refuse to come out of the house. Then there were deeper fears such as social anxiety that centered on having a physical disability and worrying too much what people thought when they looked at me.

When I reflect on them, the over-arching theme of these fears was a lack of control. I don’t have control over the plane, I don’t have control over when my body decides it’s going to feel sick and as much as I try to take care of myself physically, I have a disability and my control over its effects are limited.

It’s scary when you aren’t in control of something that has a direct impact on you. You have to trust and have faith that it’s for the best that you aren’t in control. You see, I know absolutely nothing about flying a plane, so at the end of the day I am actually a lot safer relinquishing control despite how difficult that is. As for throwing up, nobody enjoys it, but it’s actually a good thing and your body’s defense mechanism for getting rid of foreign material. The last one is a little trickier to explain, but I have little to no control over the way I walk and letting go of that has freed me of social anxiety. Furthermore, it’s led to friendships I couldn’t imagine life without and conversations I never thought I’d have.

There’s this moment in the Garden of Gethsemane,  just before the crucifixion, when Jesus prays these game-changing words; “Nevertheless, not my will, but yours be done.”( Luke 22:42) It’s an intense moment, so intense that Jesus sweats blood (Luke 22:44).

So many people find themselves at these crossroads where the spirit is convicting them, asking them to let go of control and dive in. The problem is they find their heart stuck at a red light. Sometimes it’s easier to trust in what we think we can do than what we are unsure of God is going to do. We don’t know exactly the journey He is going to lead us on and for some that’s terrifying. For me it’s exciting. It’s exciting because I know through the promises in scripture that God has good intentions for me even when things seem difficult (Jeremiah 29:11).

I want to encourage you, if you haven’t already, take the leap of faith. He knows how to fly the plane, He knows what’s good for you and what’s not, He knows how to take all of your seemingly flaws and turn them into glory.

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