Is it weird to be excited for surgery? No, I’m not excited or looking forward to the cast, the pain or the physical therapy. Yet as my time comes to a close here at Brown City Camp and the nervousness in the back of my mind grows louder and louder, another thought brings some comfort.
This thought follows what feels like endless miles of trudging around on rocky dirt roads and making my way from campsite to the chapel and from the chapel to the youth compound.
It’s the hope that maybe next year this won’t hurt. Maybe next year I won’t have to ask for so many golf cart rides or take as many sit down breaks
I am having a surgery that honestly I probably should have had years ago, but I was always too scared. A lot of my childhood memories include hospital visits, IV’s and crutches. So many that I resolved to avoid it all when I turned 18 and could legally make my own medical decisions.
I declared that I would never have another surgery and that I would always be able to bear whatever foot pain came my way. In a way, I wanted to pretend my disability didn’t exist and just live a medically low-key life for a while. I thought I deserved to spend some time on medical vacation.
It wasn’t until 2012 when I had to have a non-optional and life-saving surgery that I truly realized the benefits of good doctors and yes even sometimes surgery. I’m sure there is a spiritual metaphor in here somewhere. Something about how we all have issues that sometimes we think are easier to carry around than to deal with?
But I’m not here to share a metaphor with you. I’m here to be honest.
I often am in more pain than I let on. It’s not some “I’m a guy, I have to be strong” motif. I just know that I have to keep moving. I don’t like to sit still, I never have. I’m one of those people that would rather have a slightly too busy schedule than to be under booked.
I guess the way I look at it is this: When I was born there was a good chance that I might never walk at all. God stepped in and although I look awfully silly doing it, I can walk from point A to point B. God has designed me in a way that says I have somewhere to be and I am going to keep walking every step along that journey.
So many of you have reached out to support me and it means the world. I ask for your prayers; that you would empathize with my nervousness and rejoice in the potential of the future.
No matter what happens, our God is good!